Busted - Sort Of

 

Continuing this story from Facebook…

The morning didn’t go down like the photo, but the image is close enough. I was happily buck naked, rolling the recycle bin to the street, when I noticed the Sheriff’s SUV roll to a stop at the bottom of my driveway. I considered turning around and making a mad dash back to my casita, but I was only a few steps from the curb. I placed the bin and stood firmly behind it, trying to hide my cute and buff, but very naked body.

 The Sheriff got out of her SUV, shaking her head. I know her. She lives a couple of streets over with her boyfriend. She has a pretty name, Heather.“Morning, Sparks,” she said, “We had an alarm go off in the cul-de-sac. You haven’t seen anything strange, have you?”

 I choked and managed “No, nothing out of the ordinary.”

 Heather kept eye contact, carefully ignoring my nudity. “I’ve been up for a while with no coffee. I don’t suppose you could offer me a cup?”

 I think I was precariously near hyperventilating as I gasped, “Sure, come on up.” I turned and walked, as unhurriedly as I could, to the casita, Heather right behind.

As we entered the casita, I said, “One sec, let me put something on.” Heather replied, “No need, you’re inside your house now.”

 I quickly tossed on a tiny house dress anyway, then put the kettle on.

 Heather was hovering in the kitchen, looking out at my back yard oasis, my cozy Sonoran desert retreat. It’s very southwest, colorful, and makes me happy.

“You’ve casita is marvelous! This has to be one of the nicest ones in the ‘hood,” Heather said.

I was unsteady, at best, thinking I was totally busted, as I took a carafe of coffee elixer (I call it that, my own special cold brew) from the fridge. “Have you had breakfast?” I asked. 

She thought a moment and replied, “No, and no wisecracks. I had a day-old donut in my unit.” I laughed and kept the wisecrack that did come to mind to myself.

My kettle is extremely fast. The water was starting to boil now as I poured elixir into two mugs and led Heather to my breakfast table, facing the patio. I was about to explode with emotions.

“Heather, uh, Sheriff, am I busted?” She sipped her coffee. “Deputy. I’m just a Deputy. This is good coffee, cold brew?”

“Yes, I said, "Peruvian medium roast.”

“Excellent.” I waited, watching her savor the coffee. It is excellent, but I could tell she was toying with me.

Finally, she offered, “No, you’re not busted. Most of us know of or have heard about your naughty little recycling habits. In Arizona, if someone is nude in a private setting, such as their own property within a gated community, and there is no visibility to the outside, they may not necessarily be violating any laws. Someone would have to file a complaint for there to be an issue. That’s my take, anyway.

My heart finally had permission to stop racing, and I could exhale. “Thanks, Deputy.”

“Heather. Call me Heather.”

“Okay, Heather. I can’t imagine the odds of you driving by just as I was putting out, I mean, putting out the bin.”

“You wouldn’t believe me how often law enforcement just ‘just happens to be driving by,’ at the most unlikely times. Listen, Sparks, I think your hijinks are a hoot. If I had your bod, I might flaunt it too. How do you do that?”

“Gym rat, four or five times a week. Five to six miles three or four times, running, maybe 30 miles on a bike.”

She looked at me like I was more than a bit off-center. “Jesus.”

"Yeah.”

 “Here’s my official warning. Wear something. If you make an effort, however small, to give the appearance of trying to cover your nipples and slit, you are not technically nude, even if you fail.”

All I could say was, “Thanks. I will.”

"Okay, duty done. May I have another cup?”

Oh hell yes, I thought and made more coffee for us both. We talked over the second cup about the weather, our work, and ICE (she is not a fan). We clicked a little. I sensed we could become friends.

As I walked her out to her SUV and said goodbye, I thanked her again for her understanding and advice and for not busting me.

“Do what I say. You can still show off without risking arrest. If I catch you again, I will not bust you, but I will certainly consider spanking your cute little butt.”

“Police brutality!" I laughed.

“Invite me over for coffee sometime. I’ll bring fresh pastries.”

It happened just that way.